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第19部分（第1页）

Miss　Van　Campen　ignored　the　actual　question。　She　had　to　ignore　it　or　leave　the　room。　She　was　not　ready　to　leave　because　she　had　disliked　me　for　a　long　time　and　she　was　now　cashing　in。

〃I　have　known　many　men　to　escape　the　front　through　self…inflicted　wounds。〃

〃That　wasnt　the　question。　I　have　seen　self…inflicted　wounds　also。　I　asked　you　if　you　had　ever　known　a　man　who　had　tried　to　disable　himself　by　kicking　himself　in　the　scrotum。　Because　that　is　the　nearest　sensation　to　jaundice　and　it　is　a　sensation　that　I　believe　few　women　have　ever　experienced。　That　was　why　I　asked　you　if　you　had　ever　had　the　jaundice；　Miss　Van　Campen；　because……〃　Miss　Van　Campen　left　the　room。　Later　Miss　Gage　came　in。

〃What　did　you　say　to　Van　Campen？　She　was　furious。〃

〃We　were　paring　sensations。　I　was　going　to　suggest　that　she　had　never　experienced　childbirth……〃

〃Youre　a　fool；〃　Gage　said。　〃Shes　after　your　scalp。〃

〃She　has　my　scalp；〃　I　said。　〃Shes　lost　me　my　leave　and　she　might　try　and　get　me　court…martialled。　Shes　mean　enough。〃

〃She　never　liked　you；〃　Gage　said。　〃Whats　it　about？〃

〃She　says　Ive　drunk　myself　into　jaundice　so　as　not　to　go　back　to　the　front。〃

〃Pooh；〃　said　Gage。　〃Ill　swear　youve　never　taken　a　drink。　Everybody　will　swear　youve　never　taken　a　drink。〃

〃She　found　the　bottles。〃

〃Ive　told　you　a　hundred　times　to　clear　out　those　bottles。　Where　are　they　now？〃

〃In　the　armoire。〃

〃Have　you　a　suitcase？〃

〃No。　Put　them　in　that　rucksack。〃

Miss　Gage　packed　the　bottles　in　the　rucksack。　〃Ill　give　them　to　the　porter；〃　she　said。　She　started　for　the　door。

〃Just　a　minute；〃　Miss　Van　Campen　said。　〃Ill　take　those　bottles。〃　She　had　the　porter　with　her。　〃Carry　them；　please；〃　she　said。　〃I　want　to　show　them　to　the　doctor　when　I　make　my　report。〃

She　went　down　the　hall。　The　porter　carried　the　sack。　He　knew　what　was　in　it。

Nothing　happened　except　that　I　lost　my　leave。

23

The　night　I　was　to　return　to　the　front　I　sent　the　porter　down　to　hold　a　seat　for　me　on　the　train　when　it　came　from　Turin。　The　train　was　to　leave　at　midnight。　It　was　made　up　at　Turin　and　reached　Milan　about　half…past　ten　at　night　and　lay　in　the　station　until　time　to　leave。　You　had　to　be　there　when　it　came　in；　to　get　a　seat。　The　porter　took　a　friend　with　him；　a　machine…gunner　on　leave　who　worked　in　a　tailor　shop；　and　was　sure　that　between　them　they　could　hold　a　place。　I　gave　them　money　for　platform　tickets　and　had　them　take　my　baggage。　There　was　a　big　rucksack　and　two　musettes。

I　said　good…by　at　the　hospital　at　about　five　oclock　and　went　out。　The　porter　had　my　baggage　in　his　lodge　and　I　told　him　I　would　be　at　the　station　a　little　before　midnight。　His　wife　called　me　〃Signorino〃　and　cried。　She　wiped　her　eyes　and　shook　hands　and　then　cried　again。　I　patted　her　on　the　back　and　she　cried　once　more。　She　had　done　my　mending　and　was　a　very　short　dumpy；　happy…faced　woman　with　white　hair。　When　she　cried　her　whole　face　went　to　pieces。　I　went　down　to　the　corner　where　there　was　a　wine　shop　and　waited　inside　looking　out　the　window。　It　was　dark　outside　and　cold　and　misty。　I　paid　for　my　coffee　and　grappa　and　I　watched　the　people　going　by　in　the　light　from　the　window。　I　saw　Catherine　and　knocked　on　the　window。　She　looked；　saw　me　and　smiled；　and　I　went　out　to　meet　her。　She　was　wearing　a　dark　blue　cape　and　a　soft　felt　hat。　We　walked　along　together；　along　the　sidewalk　past　the　wine　shops；　then　across　the　market　square　and　up　the　street　and　through　the　archway　to　the　cathedral　square。　There　were　streetcar　tracks　and　beyond　them　was　the　cathedral。　It　was　white　and　wet　in　the　mist。　We　crossed　the　tram　tracks。　On　our　left　were　the　shops；　their　windows　lighted；　and　the　entrance　to　the　galleria。　There　was　a　fog　in　the　square　and　when　we　came　close　to　the　front　of　the　cathedral　it　was　very　big　and　the　stone　was　wet。

〃Would　you　like　to　go　in？〃

〃No；〃　Catherine　said。　We　walked　along。　There　was　a　soldier　standing　with　his　girl　in　the　shadow　of　one　of　the　stone　buttresses　ahead　of　us　and　we　passed　them。　They　were　standing　tight　up　against　the　stone　and　he　had　put　his　cape　around　her。

〃Theyre　like　us；〃　I　said。

〃Nobody　is　like　us；〃　Catherine　said。　She　did　not　mean　it　happily。

〃I　wish　they　had　some　place　to　go。〃

〃It　mightnt　do　them　any　good。〃

〃I　dont　know。　Everybody　ought　to　have　some　place　to　go。〃

〃They　have　the　cathedral；〃　Catherine　said。　We　were　past　it　now。　We　crossed　the　far　end　of　the　square　and　looked　back　at　the　cathedral。　It　was　fine　in　the　mist。　We　were　standing　in　front　of　the　leather　goods　shop。　There　were　riding　boots；　a　rucksack　and　ski　boots　in　the　window。　Each　article　was　set　apart　as　an　exhibit；　the　rucksack　in　the　centre；　the　riding　boots　on　one　side　and　the　ski　boots　on　the　other。　The　leather　was　dark　and　oiled　smooth　as　a　used　saddle。　The　electric　light　made　high　lights　on　the　dull　oiled　leather。

〃Well　ski　some　time。〃

〃In　two　months　there　will　be　ski…ing　at　Mflrren；〃　Catherine　said。

〃Lets　go　there。〃

〃All　right；〃　she　said。　We　went　on　past　other　windows　and　turned　down　a　side　street。

〃Ive　never　been　this　way。〃

〃This　is　the　way　I　go　to　the　hospital；〃　I　said。　It　was　a　narrow　street　and　we　kept　on　the　right…hand　side。　There　were　many　people　passing　in　the　fog。　There　were　shops　and　all　the　windows　were　lighted。　We　looked　in　a　window　at　a　pile　of　cheeses。　I　stopped　in　front　of　an　armorers　shop。

〃e　in　a　minute。　I　have　to　buy　a　gun。〃

〃What　sort　of　gun？〃

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