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第41部分（第3页）

I　thought　Catherine　was　dead。　She　looked　dead。　Her　face　was　gray；　the　part　of　it　that　I　could　see。　Down　below；　under　the　light；　the　doctor　was　sewing　up　the　great　long；　forcep…spread；　thickedged；　wound。　Another　doctor　in　a　mask　gave　the　anaesthetic。　Two　nurses　in　masks　handed　things。　It　looked　like　a　drawing　of　the　Inquisition。　I　knew　as　I　watched　I　could　have　watched　it　all；　but　I　was　glad　I　hadnt。　I　do　not　think　I　could　have　watched　them　cut；　but　I　watched　the　wound　closed　into　a　high　welted　ridge　with　quick　skilful…looking　stitches　like　a　cobblers；　and　was　glad。　When　the　wound　was　closed　I　went　out　into　the　hall　and　walked　up　and　down　again。　After　a　while　the　doctor　came　out。

〃How　is　she？〃

〃She　is　all　right。　Did　you　watch？〃

He　looked　tired。

〃I　saw　you　sew　up。　The　incision　looked　very　long。〃

〃You　thought　so？〃

〃Yes。　Will　that　scar　flatten　out？〃

〃Oh；　yes。〃

After　a　while　they　brought　out　the　wheeled　stretcher　and　took　it　very　rapidly　down　the　hallway　to　the　elevator。　I　went　along　beside　it。　Catherine　was　moaning。　Downstairs　they　put　her　in　the　bed　in　her　room。　I　sat　in　a　chair　at　the　foot　of　the　bed。　There　was　a　nurse　in　the　room。　I　got　up　and　stood　by　the　bed。　It　was　dark　in　the　room。　Catherine　put　out　her　hand。　〃Hello；　darling；〃　she　said。　Her　voice　was　very　weak　and　tired。

〃Hello；　you　sweet。〃

〃What　sort　of　baby　was　it？〃

〃Sh……dont　talk；〃　the　nurse　said。

〃A　boy。　Hes　long　and　wide　and　dark。〃

〃Is　he　all　right？〃

〃Yes；〃　I　said。　〃Hes　fine。〃

I　saw　the　nurse　look　at　me　strangely。

〃Im　awfully　tired；〃　Catherine　said。　〃And　I　hurt　like　hell。　Are　you　all　right；　darling？〃

〃Im　fine。　Dont　talk。〃

〃You　were　lovely　to　me。　Oh；　darling；　I　hurt　dreadfully。　What　does　he　look　like？〃

〃He　looks　like　a　skinned　rabbit　with　a　puckered…up　old…mans　face。〃

〃You　must　go　out；〃　the　nurse　said。　〃Madame　Henry　must　not　talk。〃

〃Ill　be　outside。〃

〃Go　and　get　something　to　eat。〃

〃No。　Ill　be　outside。〃　I　kissed　Catherine。　She　was　very　gray　and　weak　and　tired。

〃May　I　speak　to　you？〃　I　said　to　the　nurse。　She　came　out　in　the　hall　with　me。　I　walked　a　little　way　down　the　hall。

〃Whats　the　matter　with　the　baby？〃　I　asked。

〃Didnt　you　know？〃

〃No。〃

〃He　wasnt　alive。〃

〃He　was　dead？〃

〃They　couldnt　start　him　breathing。　The　cord　was　caught　around　his　neck　or　something。〃

〃So　hes　dead。〃

〃Yes。　Its　such　a　shame。　He　was　such　a　fine　big　boy。　I　thought　you　knew。〃

〃No；〃　I　said。　〃You　better　go　back　in　with　Madame。〃

I　sat　down　on　the　chair　in　front　of　a　table　where　there　were　nurses　reports　hung　on　clips　at　the　side　and　looked　out　of　the　window。　I　could　see　nothing　but　the　dark　and　the　rain　falling　across　the　light　from　the　window。　So　that　was　it。　The　baby　was　dead。　That　was　why　the　doctor　looked　so　tired。　But　why　had　they　acted　the　way　they　did　in　the　room　with　him？　They　supposed　he　would　e　around　and　start　breathing　probably。　I　had　no　religion　but　I　knew　he　ought　to　have　been　baptized。　But　what　if　he　never　breathed　at　all。　He　hadnt。　He　had　never　been　alive。　Except　in　Catherine。　Id　felt　him　kick　there　often　enough。　But　I　hadnt　for　a　week。　Maybe　he　was　choked　all　the　time。　Poor　little　kid。　I　wished　the　hell　Id　been　choked　like　that。　No　I　didnt。　Still　there　would　not　be　all　this　dying　to　go　through。　Now　Catherine　would　die。　That　was　what　you　did。　You　died。　You　did　not　know　what　it　was　about。　You　never　had　time　to　learn。　They　threw　you　in　and　told　you　the　rules　and　the　first　time　they　caught　you　off　base　they　killed　you。　Or　they　killed　you　gratuitously　like　Aymo。　Or　gave　you　the　syphilis　like　Rinaldi。　But　they　killed　you　in　the　end。　You　could　count　on　that。　Stay　around　and　they　would　kill　you。

Once　in　camp　I　put　a　log　on　top　of　the　fire　and　it

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